Joke topics?

Being raised by your grandparents had its perks and its shortcomings

you would get the piece of cake after dinner, go ahead you know how your grandma likes to spoil you.

-but then I was told two bites in, where the hell do you think you are? This aint grand ma mas house you take one more bite of that cake and I swear your legs are gonna hurt cause you are gonna be biking to school every day.

Yep she was out of her mind

I was paraded around like a grand daughter should be but grandma took it to the extreme...


-didn't she know that rag curls were considered child abuse? (brief explain of rag curls?)
I'm pretty sure child welfare doesn't agree with havin a child sleep on wet bricks.

No she didn't know, "this is what proper little girls wear, don't want people thinkin you look like a slut. jesus what kids wear today."

Instead I looked like a freakin alien when kids wanted to sleep over my house.

I'm kinda damaged now
I try and hide it from the guy I am seeing.

I don't know weather I should put on an apron and bake cookies after sex or ask if this means we are going "steady" now. I have to constantly remind myself that tidying up a mans apartment is NOT a good idea if you want to stay longer than a day. Oh and bringing over a pot roast on the first date complete with a jello mold, also not on the top ten sexiest things to do.

It's hard to act like a normal twenty something when you were raised by the Italian mafia version of the cleavers.

seriously
my father was worse then my mother

I came home crying one day after school and my father asked me what was wrong

I said dad the kids are teasing me because they say I speak funny.
what da ya mean dey say you speak funny?

at this point me and my fathers relationship was still non existent.

well mom always tells me that " I must always mind my manners, and say my please and thank you's and always be a gracious lady."

" you want I should get my brass knuckles?"

By this point my mother would chime in . " John dear, I don't think that that would be a very wise idea. You might give the teachers a fright!"

who the fuck said "fright" in the 80's?

and I'm pretty damn sure no one was behaving like a "lady"

my mom was trying to reinvent the fifties with one little girl... as you can see it didn't really go as planned.


....................

Ok so not entirely terrible for my first attempts at making my life funny.
....................