New York, You're not a Comedian

"Hun it's not two twenty in the morning it's two twenty in the afternoon, you can't just do a U-turn in the middle of the street."

"I know- whats with all these awake people?"

Why is it that Tuesday night is the worst night to find parking? And every day at 3pm when you would think because of the massive amount of traffic riding around on the roads and picking up bratty kids from school that parking would be no problem but it is always the worst time to look.

Every Night I picked him up from the club this week. Tired and drowsy it was like playing a sad video game trying to find parking and nobody was receiving any points. Fire Hydrant....driveway, Fire Zone, Loading Dock, Fire Hydrant,driveway, driveway, driveway.... "Oooo Oooo!! a spot!" " No babe... it says... No parking 7am -4pm school days."

"what the hell there is no SCHOOL around here!"

"um babe, that little hole in the wall is actually a Jewish daycare if you note the Hebrew writing that clearly indicates "daycare."

"you can read Hebrew?"

"no... even though I look like a Latin Jew I can not read Hebrew, however I can interpret pictures, and the baby blocks next to the Hebrew writing clearly define that this is a place for young ones."
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I didn't even really want to move to the city. It kind of just happened. I wasn't one of those people that NEEDED to be in the city because ugh anywhere else would just be unheard of. No I somehow got pulled into the force like a mind melding trap and here I am. Thank the lord for my car. Though on nights when I drive around aimlessly for hours looking for parking only to play the not so fun kind of bumper cars that's when I tend to hate the vehicle which gives me freedom. People that were born here and have lived here all their life don't understand this kind of freedom. Public transportation suits them just fine and they are fine also with paying ridiculous fees for some guy in a yellow cab to drive them four blocks. So lately I have been using the car more.. I can't help it, I can't escape my suburban roots. I just can't adjust to this new fangled "citidiot" mentality. I still behave like a frantic Long Islander who only has one day to get to the mall this week because if she doesn't she will miss the sale. I forget that every day in Manhattan is like a sale with no sales tax and that it's kind of hard to miss a gap, or banana republic or a Victoria's Secret. There's one like every couple blocks. You don't have to fight rush hour traffic to get there.

But driving has allowed me to fall in love with the city. The after-hours city mostly. The one where I can roam its empty streets and view its sparkling lights without horn honking and massive fits of anger. I even pay the 4.50 toll at the battery tunnel late at night when I could easily take the Brooklyn bridge for free. I think The guy who works the toll is beginning to recognize me. Every night he has some R&b or Rap song blasting. I'm seriously considering bringing him a cup of coffee one night because that job must suck. Where are the bathrooms? No breaks? Eh I suppose its alright still. Not a whole lot to worry about.

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I listened to XM radio tonight to the comedy stations. I think I almost peed listening to Brian Regan talk about his emergency room visit. He had a ten minute bit going which I know from being around enough comedians isn't an easy task to compile a ten minute bit and keep the audience rolling. I myself only know what they tell me about comedy. They meaning most of the comedians still struggling to get a leg up. Some of them have on occasion gotten a leg up and now they are just waiting to get both legs up and in. In the meantime they work on their acts in the New York Clubs. I would love to work on my act but I have no act. If I did ... it would be too rude to bring around my man, cause I think worse then he does.

We would probably compete for material seeing as how we would both be using the same experiences to go from.

Still its something to think about. I'd like to try it and see what happens, I'm afraid I'd hit a bottle or two heavily after the ordeal though, and I'm not talking beer, no probably a bottle or two of tequila.

Lately I'm finding city life quirky. Possibly that's why so many sitcoms are based here. There is hilarity in the streets. It's just not normal. People can make a living any way they seem fit. Want to juggle while doing the two step and selling flowers? OK! Want to sing in the park while panting pictures of a passerby?OK! Want to be a stripper? Sure. Want to sell weed? No problem. Want to be a musician? You can try. Want to tell jokes? Go right ahead. I'm seriously thinking of making toilet paper sculptures and trying to sell them in Bryant Park next Christmas. Add a little paint and a little "frosting" ( bling) and I might have something.

In the meantime I'm just hoping there is parking when I try and return to Brooklyn tomorrow evening. It is the sabbath and in my neighborhood that means the cars don't move. Even if your not Jewish and you move your car its like you disturbed the peace. Sure in October they can bang away for hours building their sukkahs but move a car on sabbath, carry a bag... the world is surely to explode. I guess this makes me a renegade... it's not often you get to feel like a without ever having broke any real laws. This is the most exciting part of my week. I better look forward to it.